I’m sitting next to the window on a Southwest flight and, as usual, semi-conscious and listening to music. The universe shakes the air, causing me to stir awake, and out of the corner of my right eye, I see a phone screen basically directed right at my face. The owner is a younger man, probably in his late 20’s. He’s holding the phone 6 inches from his face and, again, pointed in my direction. I assume he’s trying to keep the screen hidden from the people sitting to his left and right. And here’s what happened.

1. Guy scrolls through photos and spends some time choosing a wedding photo of him and, I assume, his wife together on their wedding day. Immediate thoughts, “Huh, people would probably say the woman is more attractive than him. Well, they seem happy, good for them.” Guy picks a photo, messes with some font, and we get a Lock Screen.
2. I dose off, but then I’m dosed back on. Once more, a certain corner of my periphery has the most interesting thing happening. We’re still picking new wallpapers, but now instead of man and wife, all I see is two fingers zooming in and out of a magazine cover of Billie Eilish. And after our artist perfects the framing, a new wallpaper is set. This time for the Home Screen, not the Lock Screen.

Man, that’s crazy, what a world, but I guess that’s just how some people are… is what some people might say if they didn’t read the next paragraph.

3. So now some time has passed, and I’ve eaten my pretzel bites, and guess who pulls out the phone again. But this time it’s a little closer to his face. And I sit there in shock as this guy goes into a private folder and, literally, watches porn in front of me. Only for a few seconds, though, because I think he remembered very quickly that he is in a giant metal tube surrounded by a hundred strangers. But, come on man.

Anywho, we land, and as usual, disembark in the most inefficient manner possible. And I get to watch this guy blend into the crowd like he’s just a normal passenger.